Day 2 Challenge: An item not usually for sale
December 3nd, 2020
Title: For Sale
Before I get started on this one, let me just say holy moly it was a hard exercise to write! I started off trying to write about selling unused birthday wishes then my brain did what it loves to do - overthink! So this changed to selling a Grandmother's shadow. Then selling mood swings.
Some days you just have to go with the ride. It took me longer to write than expected, and isn't the best thing I have written but at the same time I can appreciate the challenge it presented. I'll be talking more about the exercise in my podcast (check it out under the podcast tab!).
Without further ado, let's get selling!
For Sale: Mood swings
People underestimate the power of mood swings and how purchasing some today can give you the boost you need to succeed. Previously (and unfairly) labelled as “bad,” these mood swings are taking the world by storm.
Mood swings are the perfect gift for a friend, neighbour, teacher, family or spouse. They come in a large and unpredictable assortment of moods with a different mood available for any occasion. A great way these mood swings can help you is by giving you confidence to face social situations or they can give you the energy to dispute your side of the story during a disagreement with family – let’s face it, you’re right anyways! Let Mood Swings help you PROVE it!
These Mood Swings are long lasting and can give you superpowers by granting you more tears than there is water in the ocean, more rage than you felt when you forgot to put leftovers away last night and as a result wasted a massive amount of chili – oh yeah, and then had to make more food in the morning to take to work for lunch (you know you’ve been there before). They can grant you great joy unparallel to any you’ve felt and make you incredibly perseverant and opinionated.
Before I start talking to you about the price, it’s important you know that strange and potentially altering events can occur as a result of these emotions. They provide a daily roulette of mystery, exciting your day in ways you may not have considered. However, it should be known that these powers should not be taken lightly. Mood swings can result in split second decisions and buyer’s remorse if over used or not used appropriately. We are not responsible for any damages, dangers, mishaps or regrets as a result of misusing Mood Swings. These are powerful, irresistible emotions that can control you if not given the required respect, distance and boundaries. Setting appropriate boundaries can be the difference between a fit of rage due to being denied the last cookie in your lunchroom, or a confident walk to the lunchroom where you don’t second guess yourself and grab that last damn cookie. You’re worth it and Mood Swings can remind you of this. So, eat that cookie with confidence. Put your heart on your sleeve – Mood Swings will help it stay there with 24/7 unpredictability in whether you will cry, scream, laugh or sit there in crippling anxiety. It’s a fun time, we swear.
If you want superpowers of your own and are looking to mix up your life like a snow globe in a toddler’s sticky hands, then we can help you out. For three monthly installments of $29.95 we can provide you with an unyielding level of superpower mood swings. Did I mention this also includes taxes? Best of all, our Mood Swings are easily available once payment arrives.
We do not recommend Mood Swings to anyone who is under the age of twenty-one. Let’s be honest, friends – do you remember your teens? I do and let’s just say we don’t think anyone under the age of adulthood can manage these safely. For the sake of parents, guardians and the futures of our youth, we have set an age limit upon purchasing. It should also be noted that consuming intoxicants can react poorly with your new found superpowers. We can not predict what array of moods you may experience while mixing superpowers and intoxicants. Lastly, once purchased we are unable to accept returns, but you can sell them to others whom you are in contact with – remember your face masks when interacting. Illness can increase negative mood swings resulting in toddler level fits of giggles, trouble, anger and irregularity. If you would like to pass your superpowers onto someone else, be sure to demonstrate a wide range of your moods to them and see which affects them most. We cannot guarantee the effectiveness of passing on mood swings. Passing on mood swings will not alleviate you of them.
Chocolate, cookies, salty foods and pizza are all great remedies to tame mood swings and we recommend always having a snack on hand to avoid “Hanger” – an unfortunate side effect that accentuates your mood.
If you’re ready for an adventure of a lifetime, you can send us your first payment and we will include a free superpower taming kit. Kit includes a box of cookies of your choice (gluten-free, vegan, keto and extra chocolate are available); local chocolate, salted caramel popcorn and a fridge magnet in the shape of pizza. Scratch it and you’ll get a whiff of New York styled Pizza!
You know you want it.
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